As I sit and begin to write this post it's still a few days to go until the
big day and I've already been asked a couple of times ' well how does it feel
to be 50?'. Up to now I've given the same answer as I think I've given to
similar questions asked of previous birthdays and one which I'm sure has
tripped of your tongues too....'Ah sure it’s no different to the way I felt
last year'
If that's true then why do I feel a little more emotional and reflective
than I have on recent birthday's past. Perhaps it’s just the different level of
hype, the association with doing the Ironman, or the fact that I share a 'Big
Zero' birthday with Mary and indeed so many other close relatives - I can't
quite put my finger on what’s different but it's definitely got me thinking and
I hope that's lead me to a bit of clarity about what impact turning 50 will
have on my life!
I've
often been asked in the context of discussing Triathlon with family, friends,
colleagues and now customers 'of the three sports which one do you like the
most?' Well while I love cycling I find it the hardest of the three so it
doesn't usually feature in my response. I've always enjoyed swimming but it
really frustrates me because, despite my best efforts (well I regard them as my
best efforts!), while I have become more relaxed as a swimmer I have definitely
not got any quicker! So that leaves the run! Running was something that I never
really did. Ok so I went for the odd jog but nothing consistent. In the last
couple of years though I've managed to progress my running culminating in
marathon completion last October and I'm slowly realising that I've grown to
love it? Why? Probably mostly because, and I'm choosing my word carefully here,
it's simple! To use the word easy might imply that I find it so ....I don't!
There's no mandatory equipment apart from a good pair of runners, you can do it
anywhere, anytime and with minimal preparation....I even leave out the
stretching sometimes but Shhhh...tell no one!
I wonder if its that simplicity implicit in 'The Run' that's always made
me turn to it so often? OK so I'm confusing you now I know...I'd only just said
that I didn't do it very much! I was referring of course to the physical
sense.... in a metaphorical sense I've certainly clocked up the miles! An
example for clarity you say...?! Ok well I've had 28 different jobs in a 30
year working life! and for some of that time I was unemployed!! I know what a
flake....the going gets tough and John sticks on his asics and he's gone. The
funny thing is that I can only really remember 2 jobs from which I've moved on
because I felt I had genuinely bitten off more that I could chew. Some moves,
especially early ones, were to climb up the financial ladder however in the
vast majority I moved on when things were going pretty well, successfully even.
You see for me success was just luck or worse fraud wrapped in pretty paper
with a bow and both are fickle bedfellows capable of deserting you very
quickly ...it's always better to get gone before they did!
It wasn't just in the in the context of work either where 'jogging on'
seemed an appropriate response to circumstances which prevailed. Unfortunately
in some cases, although thankfully few, people were offended or hurt by that
lack of self belief and uncertainty that made me bolt and some relationships
were irreparably damaged as a result. For that I am truly sorry and regretful!
So why am I expecting turning 50 to make a difference? Well you know I
think it’s because it’s arrival is perfectly timed. It’s caught up to me when I’m
already on a bit of an upward curve of realisation that I’m enjoying immensely.
I am realising that I’ve learned a lot in my half century, a lot about
myself and about the world and to that extent can speak more self assuredly in
defending whatever is my position. I am realising my importance in the life of
others, that insight being gained mostly through the uncontrived and simple
expressions of love from my Children Aidan and Niamh and Grandchildren Ella and Tadhg. I am realising that I again love my
job – not just because it is immersed in a world with which I am enthralled but
because I am actually allowing myself to acknowledge that I might just be good
at it. I am realising that I have a deep sense of love for my family, immediate
and extended, in-laws and all – I embrace fully the expression ‘there is
nothing more important than family’. I am happier and more content now than I
have ever been in my life – oh of course there are the days when I could kick
the shit out of life but mostly it’s all good. I am realising that I have been
extremely lucky to and full of gratitude for having no doubt met and shared the
last 30 years with my true life partner – Mary thanks for putting up with me
and loving me unconditionally – I Love You. Finally I am realising that while I’ve
always loved the motto ‘ Live Simply’ I’ve never really lived up to it – that’s
my commitment on this the 11th of February 2014 – to ‘Live Simply’
who’s with me?
